Swing

A curse and a blessing 

To feel things so deep;

The greatest of joys

And lows below weak.

One day I am up.

The next I am down.

A pendulum, just--

Flailing around.

Unprompted I change

Which way the wind blows.

I'm drunk on the highs,

And hung on the lows

"It's all in your head..."

Without a doubt.

Where else would it be?

Signs don't present out.

I don't get sickly

And I don't get a rash.

My mind shoots me up

I come down with a crash.

Am I addicted?

Maybe I am.

The peak's who is loved

The valley, my damn.

It must be hard 

With someone like me--

Hoping for highs,

Uncertainly.

I'll try to protect you,

But why can't it be

That I can be loved 

When I am me?

So take me or not.

Which would you have?

I hope the former;

The good AND the bad. 

I know it's a lot. 

I wish you would stay. 

Even if I am

Always this way.

My blessing, my curse--

I'll take the swings.

I much prefer it 

To feeling nothing.

My Monster

I was born with a demon

Whose home is my cage.

When I was a kid

He awoke with a rage.

He rattled and roared;

I screamed and I bawled.

With almost nothing

I built up some walls.

Over the years 

I've gathered more bricks.

The fortress I built 

Can handle his kicks.

He slumbers most often.

I keep the light out.

But every so often,

He wakes up to shout.

I know him some now;

Not a friend nor a foe,

But this dark part of me

I wish to let go.

If another way came 

That I could evict

This devil inside me 

And I may exist...

The weapons they make

Encourage him more;

He's worn down layers,

Gained in the war.

Each time he rattles 

I go find more stones,

But I'm tired of building 

It hurts in my bones.

He's quieter now.

I float through more days

Less often feeling 

His anger, this haze.

I know with each brick

I'm stronger than last;

But each time he howls,

I know he's not passed.

I still get afraid.

I'm willing more wall.

I still can't help ask

If he is my fall.

Will he escape,

Despite my travail?

Might it just be

I fall to my will?