Let me preface this blog (I always preface my blogs, apparently) with the fact that I am getting drunk as I write it. This one has to be word vomit. I have spent 4 week and 7 drafts of a blog trying to articulate what is trapped up in my brain on the topic of relationships, love, sex, etc. So, if this gets a little more rambly than usual, sorry and God help us all.
I suppose today rather than spill all the good stuff about my bad dates, bad kisses, bad lines, and bad guys in general, I want to discuss my frustration with contemporary single culture. Known now as the "hook up" culture, men have finally gotten what they have always wanted: loose women with loose morals and loose vaginas. Okay, they probably don't want the last one, but frankly, if they are that kind of woman, the loose vaginas is a side-effect and a hazard of the job. What I am trying to say is; men have been trying for centuries to find a way to sneak around and get as much poon as possible without getting caught. They found what they thought was a loop hole and decided to stay single. Single men can trapse around with no moral obligation taking and bedding as many women as they see fit and going home to shower it off like it meant nothing. Women caught on. Somewhere in the lines of communication some feminist single woman said "I can do that too!" and she started behaving the way men have for centuries; sleeping around, different partners every night. Men, as dumb as they may seem, may have just pulled the most ingenious stunt of all evolution: They tricked us into thinking it was our idea to loosen our morals and vaginas and claim sexual independence and promiscuity in the name of feminism.
The only problem is, some of us aren't falling for it.
We slut bash because we don't see it as slut bashing-- er, we do, but not by the standard definition. We call them sluts and shame them because they have ruined the game for all of us. How are we expected to land and keep a man in a world where most men have booty on speed dial numbers 1-9 every night? How are we supposed to be respected when we refuse what's now expected? (I really should have been a rapper, these rhymes are sick).
The unfortunate thing is, I have now lost track of how many men have propositioned, asked, begged, and borderline aggressively pursued sex with me on a first date. Not to mention the handful and a half that have tried guilt tripping me. It's a damn good thing my parents raised me right and I don't give a flying fuck if you bought dinner; that doesn't entitle you to have your way at second, or third, or home base. Period. End of story.
Speaking of period: That seems to be the only deterrent for most men. "No, we have only known each other for a couple of hours." And, "Did you really just call me Sam?" are apparently not reasonable excuses for not sleeping with guys these days. I have resorted to claiming falsely that it is like the elevators from the Shining down there just so he will stop trying to get his hand down my pants in public. Yeah. There's no personal space anymore. Apparently what's mine is theirs even if they can't remember my name. I should really start throwing more punches.
My point is, there are so many women out there giving men exactly what they want and "all the good girls are home with broken hearts" oh, Tom Petty <3. All the sluts are out there sharing their HPV with everyone calling it "independence" and "liberation". These men of course, when they decide to go off the market have no idea they have HPV and give it to the good girl they fell in real honest-to-god love with. It's just a sad reality. 50% of all sexually active people will contract HPV. The statistics are terrifying for other STDs as well. But these children of the "hook up" culture also believe they are invincible and can't contract contractible diseases. I digress, again.
I am sick and tired of being guilt tripped and never going on second dates with guys because I can't see how women could treat their bodies like amusement parks. You have NO idea how many times I have heard men say the sentence, "It's just sex." These women brag bout the men they bed and wear it like a badge of honor when they leave with someone new. Isn't the point of feminist sexuality to claim your own body? Then claim it! Don't auction it off like some prized painting for pennies. It's just the Mona Lisa...
I realize that what I just said has a double standard. It looks like I said that it was okay for men to be romping around and humping everything with a hole and a pulse because they have been doing that for centuries. The reality is that I don't think it's okay. And, I know that there are some genetics to blame for the carnal thrust lust that men experience. But, I also believe that we are evolved beings and we can sit back and rationalize ourselves out of murder-- the most passionate of crimes. So, I find it hard [no pun intended] to believe that a man cannot tell his dick it should stay in for the night.
This now also looks like I have made two sweeping generalizations, because I have. Obviously, I realize that not all women are sluts; because, I am not one. I realize that there are a good number of men who don't leave the house every morning wondering who they could give their itch to. The problem is that women are programmed to think monogamously. We are genetically hardwired to seek out one lone mate to impregnate us and protect us while we rear the children. Men are genetically hardwired to spread their seed. So, while it sounds like all fun and games to be out there dillying around like one of the guys, the sluts have created a trap for themselves and those of us who realize how important monogamy is.
The truth behind why men wont commit is in part because of monogamy. The other parts have a little to do with maturity, financial stability, and the dogma they eat up from their frat brothers who tell them if they commit they're pussy whipped and they'll have to get naked and chug two 40s before they run around the block (or some other homoerotic display of manliness).
The only men who aren't bothered by these things have found themselves in relationships and are off the market because there are more women out there looking for commitment (it is, after all, ingrained in our genes) that it takes significantly less effort for a man to find a mate if he is in fact looking. Let's be honest: We cook, we clean, we fuck- and we still ain't wifed up. (again with the sick rhymes. I am a lyrical poet). The odds are against us women who use the C word.
I realize my real beef is with the whole system. I don't care who started the battle of who could care less (because we know it's the men who care less), but I wish it were over. I really wish that chivalry weren't dead; that I could expect flowers on a first date that he paid for [for once] and a walk home where he stands on the street side. I wish I could meet a man looking for commitment and monogamy so we can get married and raise a well-mannered family together- though I'm sure any child of mine will speak sailor before he learns English. I hold out hope that a man like that still exists and is available for me to scoop up, but my faith is waning. Statistically speaking, there is a 1:1 ratio of men to women on this planet. my favorites are gay and have realized their everyone's favorite and the others who aren't in relationships don't want to be. Statistically speaking, I'm screwed; not in the good way.
FIN.
Thanks again for tuning in and reading up. I pinky swear the next post will NOT be a rant, but a true examination of this theory at work. I still have a lot of stories to tell :)
As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter and Instagram: @sarahfblack.
Sorry for all the profanity. It was necessary for the venting process.
Xox,
Sarah
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