Always A Bridesmaid...

I would really like to open this with a quote about being a bridesmaid and being the best at it like Jane (Katherine Heigl) in 27 dresses; the organized, maid of honor, who is really a wedding planner as her hobby. She is perfectly dressed, beautiful, and could pull off a stunt like being in 3 weddings on the same day. But, if we are being entirely honest, I'm more like Megan (Melissa McCarthy) in Bridesmaids and I'm more likely to try to hit on the air marshall by proposing an unrest in the restroom together and then share a sandwich with him [Still not a slut. Don't worry. See my other post.] or Katie (Isla Fisher) in Bachelorette and someone will need to keep an eye on me all night to make sure I don't need my hair held back.

Let's just be honest for the sake of full exposure here, I'm not exactly stable at weddings. You give me a ladies' brunch with cocktails or a business dinner (er, well most of them) and I will be a perfect shining example of a classy woman. But there is something about seeing your best friends of 10, 15, 20 years (yeah, I have had friends for 20+ years) saying "I do," and tossing a bouquet that makes me go crazy.

Don't get me wrong at all. I LOVE being a bridesmaid and I am always genuinely happy for my friends and I am always happy to spend the day celebrating their love. I love the men they marry and I love sharing the whole experience with them, and I just love love.  But, I walk away from every dress fitting and shower and bachelorette party and I panic. Sometimes they turn into full-on panic attacks and other times it's just a "I need to call my only other single friend and have her talk me off the ledge" moment, but nevertheless, the panic is real.

I can't decide if it is more the fact that these girls, er women,- holy ballz, we are women now- are old enough to be getting married and it is so surreal that in this friendship of 10 years they have found the love of their life and are ready for the next phase to begin. OR if I'm just so selfish that every time another "big day" comes around, I think about mine and then I get overwhelmed with what that will be like... but I don't even know who I would marry... OMG I don't have a date... Shit, what if I don't get a +1... Everyone is expecting me to be single still... Do they have that little faith in me?... Do I have that much faith in myself?... I don't... Holy crap... I'll RSVP for just me.

It is definitely the latter.

The hard truth is that I haven't had a real date to a wedding that was straight and/or not my roommate since my relationship 2 years ago and that was just dumb-luck timing because that relationship didn't last long. Every wedding before and after that in my whole life has been fag hag or stag. I have never been the one to even really want to catch the bouquet because I can't subject the other women to the fate of me being the next one to get hitched. That may be never. Then, they'd all be screwed because of me. No thanks. I don't need that guilt.

So many people compare being single at a wedding to being a kid in a candy store; there are so many options and you can dance with whomever you please. You can flirt and just enjoy the romantic ambiance as you get to know the bride's third cousin twice removed named Ned.

It is really more like being a diabetic in a candy store and you're surrounded by love and happy couples and the singles table is you and a handful of 12 year olds who want dates to their bar mitzvahs and you look like the kind of woman a man could take to such a special occasion. Oy vey!

No woman wants to go to a wedding alone and noBODY wants to go home alone from a wedding. I do both frequently.

I suppose with the number of wedding's I'm in in the next two years, I could chalk it up to being in the wedding party and it would be awkward for my date to sit alone while I'm at the head table or some other excuse that makes sense until I'm 5 mimosas in and my lash glue wont stay because I'm tearing up because I'm stewing in my own selfish envy.

Don't worry ladies. I will NEVER ruin your wedding. I sincerely hope that my friends Courtnie, Katie, Ashley, Sarah, all of you know that I am beyond happy for you. I am so in love with being in your weddings and I could not be more touched that you have asked me. You are all marrying (or have married) amazing men and I want to be there more than anything. And, I promise I wont end up in sweat pants with my face in the toilet as I drunk dial some dude, nor will I take home any of the groomsmen. I SWEAR! I will be the classiest you have ever seen me.

All of my other friends who have invited me to their weddings, in the last year especially, Kelsie, Nicki and Steve, and countless others, thank you for inviting me. I love you all and I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else than with you on your big days.

I just panic when I realize I can't fill the +1 slot even with ample time.

Le sigh.

As always, thank you for reading. Ginormo thank you to my friends who have encouraged me to keep doing this. Even if it's just you guys reading, soooo worth it just to get it off my chest.

Peace, Love and Spanx,
Sarah

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