Reinventing the Wheel... Or Yourself, Whichever is Easier

"I'm always looking for something new: a new inspiration, a new philosophy, a new way to look at something, new talent."

-Madonna Ciccone

I know I promised something a little more serious. But it was depressing me, and I am still struggling with opening up. You would think that after my I'm A Barbie Girl post, I would be comfortable getting mentally naked in front of you all. It is still tough. So this week, I think it's time to talk positivity! 

Let's talk reinvention, people. We are in our twenties and we are trying desperately to figure out who we are and where we are going. Maybe we should step back and analyze what we are working with and make some decisions on what we want to change.

This week alone, I have utterly reinvented myself. In some ways I have gone back to my roots, in others, I have taken a dive into the unknown hoping for the best. I have taken up a new volunteer position. I have asked for a promotion at work. I have a regularly scheduled personal trainer. And, I have actually completed a load of laundry and put it away in the same day. You might not think that last one is very hard, but I'll be damned if I have done it yet since I have lived with in-house laundry (which, by the by, is the greatest luxury of them all next to a dishwasher). 

You may wonder why I made all of these changes at once, but I can tell you in the strictest confidence BECAUSE I CAN and  I knew I should. I was tired of sitting at home and sulking about how much boys suck. How about I fill my time with meaningful things that I love to do and be less self-pittying and selfish? I was always complaining that beings single sucked because I only had to worry about myself. Welp, now I can focus my energies on more productive and fulfilling things. 

Finding something to go back to your roots with will make your twenties seem less intimidating and more comfortable. We go through so many changes in these years that it is hard to remember who we used to be- in our Chuck Taylors, flare jeans, and studded belts. I may look a little ridiculous if I showed up in the office in anything other than heels and slacks, so I dug a little deeper and looked for a part of the old me that I could bring back. 

I was a scout for 13 years. Nerd. I know. But it really taught me the value of working hard in a community and what giving back what you can afford to give can be the most rewarding thing. I don't have a lot of money (hence asking for a promotion), but I do have some time to give. Even through college with working, internships, and graduation to focus on toward the end, I made time for volunteer work at a homeless shelter. It has always been important to me. 

I could hardly believe myself last week when I realized that I had been missing that part of my life for nearly two years since I moved to Iowa City. So, I located Shelter House Iowa City and called them up. I might be busy, but I have enough time to volunteer three hours a week. That is nothing in my schedule. I get to help in some of the most basic ways; organizing paperwork, connecting clients with caseworkers, helping clean laundry. 

This experience reminds me how much I actually have. What I think is not a lot of money still keeps a roof over my head, clothes in my closet, my dog fed, and a warm bed to sleep in. Things that I often take for granted when I look at my bills every month and wonder how much money I am going to have to go to Chicago or Milwaukee after I pay them. That's just it; I can pay them.  Helping other people get just that roof over their head makes me so much more thankful for the things I do have. I remember suddenly why I was so much happier when I was doing this stuff before.

Find that old thing you used to do, that old part of your personality and grab onto it again. It will make the transition a lot easier; even if it is just jamming out to Against Me! in the car once a week. But, after that, be sure you are progressing and moving forward with who you are now. 

I asked for a promotion at work. Not just a raise. A job title change, a salary change, a BIG fucking change. Admittedly, they asked to meet with me to discuss how things were going, but I seized the opportunity to lay out my requirements for staying. For months it has been increasingly harder to maintain certain luxuries and I will be honest, my parents have paid for all of my car repairs. THANKS MOM AND DAD! IT REALLY MEANS A LOT! (They'll get that. They totally read this). 

But, the reality is, I have a college degree and professional experience coming out of my ass. I want desperately to stay with my current company because I love the people, the culture, and frankly I love my job. How many people wake up and say that? But, without more compensation, those student loans will only get the interest paid every month, my credit card debt (a discussion in and of itself) will continue to look bleak, and I will have to keep asking mom and dad for more money every time my car doesn't start. Which was 20 times at least last winter. The future for the VW Bug does not look promising. 

My advice to anyone else out there who has been gunning and working their asses off like I have, is to go out there and ask for it. They will never give something to you if you don't ask. Besides, what can it hurt? Either they agree you're worth what you think you are, or they don't and just like in love, if they don't know your worth, move on because there is someone else out there who would be happy to have you. 

I get it, you're saying "Sarah, but look at the job market. And everyone requires experience." Look harder. I know. But I have landed jobs in this market 3 times now; When I was graduating college and landed a corporate proofreading job, when I left that job and became a waitress (actually a better job than the corporate one), and when I thought I might lose my mind if I had to waitress any longer and landed my currently sweet job. You might end up in my position where they low ball you a little at first but you take the opportunity for the experience and to get out of waitressing, but it will also present you with the opportunity to ask someone for a promotion. You'll be forced to make a daring leap into adulthood and make a stand for yourself. It will be scary, but worth it because even if you don't get the promotion, you had the balls to ask. 

P.S. I applied for a front desk position and demanded full time hours. My now amazingly close friend who hired me passed along my resume and got me the sales position that I am growing into a career. THANKS KATHI! BTW, Winey Women Wednesday soon? OMG PLZ? Yay! It's all about making connections, getting your name out there to potential employers, and then laying out what you need. Do it. You will find a good job. 

We never have to settle for jobs we hate. My dad kept telling me, when I hated my couple of jobs before, that it is just a reality and a part of life to hate your job. I couldn't accept that fate. I am sorry, Dad, I could never live in a world where I am unhappy for 1/3 of it (and sleeping for another 1/3 of it- that only left the last 1/3 to be happy and I wasn't because hating my job ruined my last 1/3 of each day). I think it is a great misconception of our generation. We have graduated into an economy that, like an abusive boyfriend, tells us we need it more than it needs us. False, it needs us a lot more. So go find your niche and get cracking on having a reason to ask for a promotion. 

Probably even more scary than asking for a promotion at work, I got a personal trainer. Seriously, if you are going to reinvent yourself, your twenties are the time to do it and do it completely. Make that life-changing decision to travel the world (which I still plan to do), take up an instrument and start a band (I took up the ukulele last year), or find your faith if you were ever unsure, or become a masochist like me and take up working out with a sadist and eating like a champion. Find something about yourself that you have wanted to change for a while and CHANGE IT. Empassion yourself to chase after who you want to be personally. I can't wait to meet skinny me. 

Hell, if you're like me this, you already chased after what you want to be professionally and socially, why not focus on yourself for a bit? I do not recommend doing all of these changes at once for everyone, but I am a professional self-spreader-thinner. :) 

And I finished that laundry and wrote this blog. Did I mention I did that all this week?... And it's only Tuesday? Whatever it is for you, go do it. We can survive our twenties, and we will DAMMIT! 

HOO HA! MOTIVATION! 

Thank you all again for reading this week. I was clearly busy planning my attack on my current life to up heave it and get out of the funk that I was clearly wading in when I wrote the last blog. I don't even have time to worry about boys now. See how I solved that one? 

As always, feel free to follow me on Twitter and Instagram @sarahfblack 

I love you. And thank you for going through this with me. <3